This week has been very interesting for me in regards to feeling and moving through stuff. The observation is that feelings, like the ocean, have tides and will come back again and again until there is a resolution which no longer creates energetic ripples. These feelings are not emotions, but have literal sensations in the body and are sourced from a deeper place within.
Through the course of time emotions become attributed, and then fused to those sensations and feelings, which makes the original feeling and
sensation become unseen and repressed.
As ‘negative’ feelings arise, the patterns one has used to deal with those unwanted feelings are automatically engaged, and one typically enters into either a fight reaction, or a flight reaction.
My typical unconscious reaction is a flight reaction, hence the urges this past week for me to not go to regular practice, to avoid my chosen tasks, to get away from people (which is healthy for me in these phases, but that does have an element of flight reaction), avoidance of feelings through distracting actions, and this reaction was strong enough where I almost stopped teaching.
The old feelings and sensations will automatically trigger old patterns, the very patterns that most people get caught in and are unhappy about, and want to change but lack the willpower to do so.
To disengage from those old patterns requires the intention to do so, the discipline to practice methods for disengaging, and then the absolute determination to follow through with the intention in every way possible.
This creates will-power, so that as surface level feelings are brought to resolution and more patterns are unveiled from your inner depths, the strength and will is developed providing the ability to follow through with the more frightening and disconcerting turbulence that is inevitably discovered on deeper pyschosomatic levels of your being.
The feelings and unconscious eruptions of associated thoughts and emotions do come and go like a tide, the conscious choice is to whether to engage and allow those stress-producing feelings and chaotic emotions to rule your inner domain, or whether to be the rightful ruler of your subjective world and to just let them pass in a state of equanimity.
Fighting the feelings, or running from them, solves absolutely nothing and continues the unbalance, where just being present with the feelings and sensations opens the space for quick resolution. Yet maintaining
non-attached to what is going on internally that is ‘disliked’ becomes the passage for gestalt of those unwanted feelings.
In a state of non-acceptance, of disliking and not-wanting certain internal feelings or sensations, a person becomes split against their own self, dividing their energies, and creating a host of internal disruptions. Coming to an acceptance, a surrender-to what is going on internally, removes the internal barriers, and re-absorbs a portion of the self that was before unwanted, fragmented, and separated. This brings the self which has many conflicting voices, into a unified, harmonious choir.
Re-absorbing the disassociated, separated aspects of self is best
accomplished through the pure, undivided, non-judging, and totally accepting awareness of the body and observation of it’s sensations.
Doing this brings a person into attunement with Mother Nature, with the
direct moment, with the timeless state of Being Now. When in the moment, and in direct perception of bodily sensations, the mental and emotional movements which unconscously and automatically arise from subconscious feelings have their influential powers diminished. Naturally, as anything which has no fuel fades and dies, so to do these energetic-feeling patterns lose their hold, fade and dissolve into nothing once they are no longer feed.
Habits which were at one time so difficult to work with, suddenly are
effortlessly gone and you didn’t have to touch or fight with any effects, just simply be present with the uncomfortable sensations arising in the moment.
What is interesting is that when directly processing sensation, mind only can get in the way. Another way to say this is that most people have thoughts, emotions and ‘feelings’ about the felt sensations, and those thoughts and emotions automatically arise and in doing so, completely masks and turns the source feeling into an invisible cause.
The mind can’t do anything except get in the way when processing sensation through the body. Just as you do not need to think in order to taste, or smell, or feel through touch, the mind and it’s actions are just as unnecessary when returning the the pristinte state of direct body sensation.
The common approach to working through uncomfortable feelings is through the same, tired, worn-out methods that hasn’t really worked very well in the past. Rationalizing, understanding, coming to terms, are all tools that the mind uses to seek balance. These attempts of the mind to discussion and gossip, internal monologues and rationalized attempts to understand why are part of the very patterns which reinforce the unconscious habituation. This mental activity feeds the parasitic pattern, but it’s all that people know how to use, it is what society teaches as solutions to problems.
The mind and emotions which creates the problems is absolutely incapable of providing the solution. A different mindset and emotional state of feeling and being is necessary.
Drop the mind when you learn to process directly through body sensations, you drop the mind by not attaching to thoughts or emotions when they arise, always come back to the sensations of the body.
Dropping the mind creates a totally different mode of being where solutions are intuitively provided, freed from past actions and thoughts, and future projections and anticipations. Now, when feelings arise and you process feelings directly through the body, you will at times have no idea what is being dropped, you only know that something is being released. It’s affects may never even be noticed, and if it is, perhaps not for such a long time.
Direct processing through bodily sensation is so effective that you not only stop fighting with effects, you eventually completely forget about the feelings, and their resulting effects and events.
To develop awareness and body-based sensitivity, the only real methods to do so are through diligent practices which are designed for developing body awareness. Simply, meditation on breath and body, forms of yoga and tai chi, voice and vibration, are time tested tools of powerfully building consciousness. Daily practice establishes the bodily connection more and more, so that when the rough-times arise, you are prepared. This means, you have dug your well when your internal domain was not on fire, and can put out your internal inferno when it arises and remain cool, regardless.
With the blackboard of diligent preparation and meditative awareness, when these feelings are white-washed across your mind, then the consciousness practiced daily during times of less stress become vital tools for wiping your mental and emotional slate clean.
Then you are absolutely free, from being subjugated by your own feelings, thoughts, emotions, able to experience a clear internal state of being.