2010-05-03 A Day In the Life – Masks

Funny the cyclical nature of existence.

http://www.inzenity.org/blog/index.php/2003/08/20/take-the-risk-to-be-true/ sums it up well.

I like and yet, also miss the person who I was, who wrote that blog entry.

I looped through these same sentiments again, here.

I can see a very obvious hole where I’ve not been true or real– and have been hashing it over with a psychologist. Nothing like another perspective to peer into the blind spots.

I know what I’m afraid of– and I know what I agreed to.
I was mistaken to limit my nature, in order to be accepted. To avoid rejection.

But it was a trap, of my own devising. Because now- I have effectively rejected myself. Which never makes one happy, or fulfilled. That’s different than changing or wanting to change- it’s resisting what is there and ignoring it.
I don’t want to resist it, or ignore it– I want to embrace it, and let it be.

To compromise oneself to avoid rejection is truly a sucker’s choice.
A sell-out of the kind not easily forgotten, and less likely respected.

I have yo-yo’d from
Agape to simply hiding, and back again.

Loving unconditionally doesn’t necessarily mean allowing others to violate your boundaries..and I’ve learned a lot about the necessity of boundaries….now to apply it in relation to courage and standing up for myself.

Peace out.

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