There is a point where one must truly determine whether their life is truly worthwhile, or if everything needs to change.
I am at that point.
The intentional deadening of self through pointlessly addictive behaviors has lost all appeal.
So has the majority of activities and goals that once seemed so important.
Things that amused and entertained no longer do so.
Ennui has set in.
I await ‘instructions’, but know not from where or how to hear them.
My body has its own agenda– one I constantly must be vigilant over, lest I suffer health consequences. It is like a tyrant, demanding I not stray from its sensitive peculiarities.
I obey- knowing to disobey only prevents my ability to further function anyway.
In a way, it’s helped me become more accepting of what is– for resistance truly provides no comfort or reward.
I ask the Universe to guide me– to show me how I can move forward, constructively.
How I may be of use, how I may engage with purpose and fulfillment.
I await its answer.