self reflection

I am finding that I don't have a strong 'stick up for myself' personality, and over the years have retreated to being 'inside my head' instead of telling people what I believe or think…Just to avoid confrontation.
This is a fear based sort of 'protection'- but it is not a good thing for a healthy, happy relationship..
Even if there is conflict, I should be able to stick up for who I am, being myself– and just accept that if people cannot accept me for who I am, that's just how it will be.
On some days I can do this– on many I cannot.
But the cost–
the COST of this, to me, to my loved ones–even to strangers, is not too pretty.
The lack of self confidence is not a pretty thing–and often times I self-sabotage or self-destruct.
I disappoint myself, others and over commit to many things to 'make up' for my perceived shortcomings…
then I cannot live up to my word/commitments– and find myself back in the same spot again (and again–and again).
Let's not even mention beating myself up for it–
one thing I've definitely learned- I'm not perfect.
But the cool thing is–
nobody is.
We just have to know who we are, and when we look at ourselves (really look) and discover that we don't like what we see– we get to choose to continue that way or not.
I'm just babbling at this point– this is definitely me telling myself: if you find it helpful, great– if not, that's ok too.
I appreciate you listening, and I'm glad you're there.

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